


The Dance of Love

by freddiejoey



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-31
Updated: 2011-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-23 07:17:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freddiejoey/pseuds/freddiejoey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lenni tells her story</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dance of Love

“Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in  
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove  
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born  
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn  
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn  
Dance me to the end of love”

As the afternoon shadows lengthen, Arthur comes striding toward me down the slope behind the village. Under one arm he carries something very muddy and very sodden - something that is also squirming and giggling because it is also being tickled. “Here, I believe this belongs to you.” Grinning, Arthur holds out his nephew, my five year old son Cedric. “Where was he?” I sign. “They were down paddling in the shallows.” And then I hear another mischievous giggle and see peering around from behind Arthur’s back, another bemired little face. Arthur swings his dark haired daughter on to his hip. Kaitlin has just passed her fourth summer and is a replica of her father. There is nothing of her mother that I can yet see – perhaps it will appear later and our tableware will then be in danger from two fronts. “Let me take them both for a bath” I inform him, “Rowena needs her rest.” He brushes his lips against Kaitlin’s leaf-tangled head. “Behave for Auntie Leni.” I take each child firmly by the hand and we go back down the hill to the village.

At the door, to my hut, stands Theodore, my elder son, almost eight now – another child with no trace of his mother in him. He is as blonde, brown-eyed and handsome as his father and younger brother – and yes, both my boys have inherited their father’s smile. “Daddy has gone to the longhouse with Daideo Llud.” I sign to tell him that we will be there shortly – when I have removed the grime from the two unrepentant miscreants still laughing beside me – and that the supper is all prepared. He winks at Cedric and Kaitlin and runs off. I shoo them inside and cup my hand over the head of Maeve, my daughter, now almost a season old, who has slept soundly in a swaddling band tied around my heart during this whole adventure.

When I have two clean children to display, we go down to the longhouse. We eat there most evenings – unless Arthur has visitors and there will be feasting and drinking that is too raucous for tender ears. But tonight should be especially quiet anyway. Rowena is very near her time and testy. In fact, when I enter, Kai is sitting at the table, laughing uproariously at something his brother has just said and Llud is trying to shush him lest he disturb Rowena who is resting in the next room. Tries and fails – Arthur is now in hysterics as well. The children are rolling around like a pile of puppies in front of the fire, already sleepy-eyed, and so I quickly give them bowls of chicken stew, pull off chunks of bread for them to dip. Kai blows me a kiss and peers at his baby daughter who is just snuffling awake. “You never know, this one might end up looking like you.” He smiles mischievously. I make a rude gesture at him and he laughs louder. Already Maeve has a thick smattering of blonde hair and her father’s beautiful mouth.

I serve the men and then prepare a tray with food for Rowena and I. In the bedroom, Rowena looks up irritably as the door opens and then, subsides, smiling on the bed when she sees that it’s me. I wonder fleetingly if the look of irritation was meant to be directed at Arthur. Unfailingly kind, Arthur certainly is, courteous and attentive, but for a woman as besotted with her husband as Rowena – well, I made my bargain with my eyes wide open and a deep degree of self-sufficiency. I do not love Kai any less than Rowena does Arthur – I have loved him with my whole heart all my life. But I knew his heart had already been given and to whom, long before I allowed his seed to spill into my body. I don’t think Rowena was so discriminating - perhaps when you are a princess, your horizons are always more limited.

I sit down on Kai’s old bed to eat and to give suckle to Maeve. I know it is where Arthur often sleeps. Nothing unusual in that when his wife is so uncomfortably swollen with child. Less usual at other times I suppose given Rowena’s obvious good looks and vivacity – especially as she is often away in her father’s village as well. Not my business however. And tonight I am more concerned with Rowena’s clear exhaustion and frailty. Childbearing has always been a hard business for her – despite her lithe agile body that can ride a horse better than most men. It was not until the third winter after her marriage that Kaitlin was conceived - with the help of discreet draughts of red raspberry and nettle from my medicinal chest. Then Kaitlin’s birth was one of the most difficult that I have ever attended – two days and a night and half way through, I feared that both would be lost. Now Rowena eats hungrily enough and mops up the broth at the bottom of her bowl with her bread. But I am still worried. Her short hair looks lank and flat and her cheeks are sunken. The skin across her belly is drawn too tight and her ankles are bloated as well. Never promising signs.

When I return to the main room, everything is much quieter. The children have fallen asleep on a heap of fleeces and snoring beside them is Llud. The most indulgent grandfather in the world. Arthur and Kai have told their offspring bloodcurdling – extremely exaggerated - tales about his hard tongue and harder hand when they were growing up. All long gone. None of my children will ever be leathered and nor will Rowena’s. Certainly not by Llud and goodness knows what would happen, if either of their fathers ever attempted it. I shudder to think.

I stand in front of Kai and sign that Maeve and I will stay down here and sleep with Rowena. I try not to indicate how anxious I really am – I don’t want to alarm Arthur. But when he goes in to say goodnight to his wife, Kai pulls me down on to his lap and asks how disturbed I really am. “Very” I sign. Kai kisses my forehead and then my mouth. “She could not be in more capable or loving hands”. I smile. Nor could I at that exact moment.

Arthur reappears and I stand up. Time to stop being a giddy girl and resume being the diligent midwife. They are going up to my hut to sleep. Whatever else, is not my concern either. Love is a dance – and I wilfully chose Kai to be my partner and dance me to the end. I am also happy with my life. Life is always a compromise – no matter what form the compromises take. Mine have been kinder than many others I could point to. And as I say, I made my choices deliberately and with no regrets.

When I was certain that I carried Kai’s child, there was uncertainty alongside the wild joy at first. I did not know for sure what his reaction would be and so I fiddled and faddled about telling him until well into my fourth month. Finally my growing belly was almost ready to tell its own tale and so one afternoon I cornered him in the stable and simply laid his hand over it. Dawning realisation on his face – then a smile of elation that lit up the world. Kai was ready to carry me outside and shout the news to the whole village but I was horrified. I fled back to my hut and barred the door.

Later that night a quiet knock – it was Llud and Arthur, both grinning like a pair of ecstatic idiots, and asking if I would like to visit the Abbot with Kai. They were asking on his behalf since my earlier flight had so disconcerted him. I astounded them – and myself. I indicated that I would think about it and let them know. Then I ushered them outside, shut my door firmly - and burst into tears. By dawn though my decision was made and I have never bewailed it. If I went to bed that night still a romantic girl and rose the next morning, a clearsighted woman then only I know about it. In any case, soon after daybreak, I walked down to the longhouse as usual to prepare the breakfast. I was spooning the porridge into bowls when Kai came in, looking more uncertain – and more bewitching - than I could ever remember. My heart skipped a beat. I gave Arthur and Llud their breakfast with a smile and then went to stand in front of the beautiful blonde father of my child. I handed him the porridge and put a finger under his chin so that our eyes met. I signed two words – “Yes please.” When Arthur and Llud cheered, it was not I who blushed.

I could well remember the fuss Kai had made when he had thought to marry Goda – and how that had all ended. I wanted none of it – nothing to remind him at all. So one morning a few days later I simply climbed behind Llud on his horse and we rode off to Rolf’s village to meet Kai and Arthur who had left the day before for a gathering of chieftains there. During a break in the negotiations, Llud took me up to Abbot Morphett – a nice benevolent sweet old man, who could have been asked to marry a donkey to a chicken and would have obliged. Llud made me cry by offering me his dead wife’s ring to wear, Kai kissed me wonderingly and Arthur more heartily, and then they returned to the machinations of Dirk and Mark while Llud and I rode home.

No-one in the village knew or even suspected for quite a long time. I kept my hut. I needed it for my work as a healer. Kai continued to live in the longhouse and I was there every day anyway, just as I had always been. Two or three times a week he would come to my bed and the rest of the time I enjoyed the freedom of sleeping alone. What he did the rest of the time I knew but did not dwell on or sob over. I had made my bargain and all in all, was well pleased with it. Besides, like most healers, I have an independent streak too.

Of course, the village, became aware fairly soon that I was with child and there was endless speculation over the father. I rather relished the mystery of it – especially as Arthur’s name was mentioned much more frequently than Kai’s. Eventually though, these things become common knowledge and then I was glad – Kai was such a proud expectant father. He loved the congratulations and the ribald teasing - and if he was happy, then of course I was happy too.

Two days before Theodore was born, Yorath and Rowena rode through the palisade gate. I did not see Kai all day and when I waddled down late in the afternoon to prepare the evening meal, you could have sliced the tension in the longhouse with his axe. Rowena was in tears, Yorath was all puffed up and flustered and Arthur was wearing his most wintry expression. He looked magnificent but terribly forbidding . Llud and Kai simply looked like they were staying well out of whatever was taking place. That was certainly a meal of silence and penance.

Later that night, I went up to the female guest quarters to see that Rowena was comfortable and found her weeping again all over the fresh fleeces that I had only sunned on the river bank that morning. It seemed that Yorath thought the time had come for Arthur to formalize a union with his daughter and Arthur was still demurring. “I don’t know if I want to get married……….. maybe this winter……maybe next year………when the Picts have been subdued…….when the Scots stop maraudering……….blah blah blah.” We had all heard it a thousand times before. I walked thoughtfully back to my hut, to find Kai sitting up in my bed and then alarmed him by demonstrating what I needed him to do. He undoubtedly thought I was far too large to desire anything of the kind, but he duly obliged and I must say it was lovely. Besides, any healer worth her salt knows what sort of thing will hasten childbirth and, since it was the rainy season, I was growing tired of plodding and trundling around in the mud.

The next morning I waited until Arthur went on his usual inspection tour and waylaid him just outside the palisade near the lake. I was direct. “Do you love her?” I signed. “Yes, no, I don’t know.” It was strange to hear Arthur vacillate. “You love Kai.” I put my hand over my heart. “He lives here. That need not change.” Arthur reached out to stroke my cheek. “Rowena is not you.” My fingers leapt through the air. “No and a good thing too. You would not do so well with a scold as practical as me. You are already practical enough for two. Just ask your brother. Rowena worships you. She will accept what she must – as I did - or she will be left with nothing – which is far worse. Believe me.” Arthur looked reflective and I bustled away to see about the midday meal. The betrothal of our Celtic chieftain and the Jutish princess was announced to our village that evening. They were married less than a month later.

I have borne three children now – and all of them relatively easily, thank the gods. Within a few days of each arrival, I have been up about my duties again. In fact, apart from suckling them, I can leave any part of their looking after to their smitten grandfather and be confident that everything will be reliably attended to. This morning he has all three older ones out in the sunshine preparing to go on some expedition into the woods and Maeve cooing in the crook of his good arm. I am glad of the respite. Rowena had a restless night.

Kai and Arthur appear around the side of the longhouse and Arthur goes inside to see his wife. I notice absently that Kai has a fresh reddish bruise appearing just above the collar of his shirt – the royal purple one today. I love that shirt. And I love him –and my teeth did not inflict that wound. But no matter. Neither of them have even glanced at another woman since they were married. In that, Rowena and I are uncommonly fortunate. As oddly enough is that dreadful shrew Eithna, once the bedraggled lady of our lake, now Queen of Cornwall. Two summers ago Mark asked for me to travel south and deliver their child – a son Tristran. That boorish Cornish stallion has been soundly gelded by Bavick’s sharp-tongued manipulative daughter. Naturally the bitch had one of the easiest births I have attended – two great pushes and her boy was here.

I am still worried about Rowena. Kai enfolds me in his arms for a moment and murmurs reassuringly. He and Arthur are off hunting. Before they leave, he chases his shrieking sons and niece several times around the longhouse, until the children collapse, laughing uncontrollably. My husband is many things –like Arthur, being a wonderful father is foremost among them. They learned well from Llud.

I wave, watch them ride out of the village and then take Maeve off Llud to feed and put to sleep. He wanders off towards the woods with Kaitlin and my two sons. Good, I am starting to feel like an ensnared cat, tense and restless. Something is going to happen. Rowena wanders around the longhouse in a vexed way, beginning one topic of conversation and then abandoning it, her voice dying away fretfully. Then as I lay Maeve down in her cradle in front of the fire, I sense a guttural animal groan from behind me. So it has begun. At once my tension falls away. This is what I have been waiting for. I send one of the door sentries to fetch Olwen who is to watch Maeve. I help Rowena into the bedroom and firmly close the door.

This time it is short, sharp and completely brutal – as unlike Kaitlin’s protracted birth as possible. I knew it would be so – the signs were clear. But the ferocity of it strikes horror into even me. I’m afraid that Rowena’s bones will crack as she strains and thrashes. The bruises she leaves on my hands will be black for days. I’m relieved as the afternoon passes, that Llud has taken our children into the woods and that Arthur and Kai are unlikely to return before nightfall. Finally, however, it is over – and Rowena lies back utterly exhausted. I look around the room – I will have to clean it thoroughly before admitting any one else. It looks as if a mighty battle has been waged in here – as indeed it has.

The village knows that there has been a birth. Well, Rowena’s anguished screams could hardly be ignored or misinterpreted. But they do not know the outcome. Only Olwen and I are aware of that. Then at sunset, Olwen hears the plod of horses walking in the palisade gate and I go outside, down the longhouse ramp. The hunting party and Llud’s expedition have arrived back together, a deer and a string of rabbits slung across the back of one horse, the three children sliding around on the back of the other, Llud, Arthur and Kai walking alongside. They know at once that something wonderful has happened because of my elated smile. I never imagined that it would be me who told Arthur that he has a son.

Much later, - after Arthur has cried and Kai has wept and Llud has sobbed, after I am satisfied that Arthur has reminded Rowena sufficiently that she is the most wonderful clever woman in the world, after the children have been allowed in to see the black-haired blue-eyed bundle and Llud has been led away still sobbing by Olwen, after Kai has carried his two sleepy sons down to Olwen’s hut and Arthur has made the same journey with his wide-awake wildly-jabbering daughter, - I go in and check on Rowena. She is asleep now and cool to the touch – no dreaded childbed fever here. Beside the bed the baby Luc lies in the cradle with my Maeve.

I shut the door softly behind me as I slip into the main room of the longhouse. I need a cup of mead before I sleep. Milk would be more sensible but warm mead will be more welcome. It has been quite a day, but then I have quite a life. I walk soundlessly over to the hearth - and almost stumble over my husband in the near darkness. Kai is sleeping in front of the fire with Arthur. He has his arms wrapped around his brother and Arthur has fallen asleep with Kai’s hand pressed to his lips. I smile tenderly, pour my mead and pad back to the bedroom.

I have made my covenants with the gods long ago and am well content. Beside, the fire Kai pulls Arthur closer in his sleep. Heart to heart. They fit together perfectly.


End file.
